The number of villains, supervillians and evil geniuses at work in the world is fairly high and each of those figures has at least few thugs in their employ. I don't actually consider myself a "thug", but depending on the size of the outfit, you can run into a wide range of personalities -- from the highly-skilled henchperson to...let's say, the "dumbasses". It's pretty much the same as in any office environment, really.
I was gonna say something along the lines of, "We're paid to read, not to lead." However, that's probably also slightly misleading, as I'm convinced that some of my colleagues are functionally illiterate.
The best way I can describe this type of work environment is like this: Remember back in your school days, when you had to give a book report? A portion of the students in the class will at least attempt to cobble together a halfway decent book report after reading the book. Then, you always have the kids that forego reading in favor of the CliffsNotes, or I suppose these days good ol' Wikipedia. Lastly, you've got the real dumbasses that just base their book report on the movie -- thinking that no one will ever notice the difference.
Designing an evil scheme after something that you saw once in a movie is usually not the way to go, especially if it's a movie where the bad guys lose in the end. However, this doesn't stop some of my co-workers from repeatedly suggesting (or worse, doing) this very thing.
I head up a bi-weekly jour fixe, where we brainstorm solutions to some of our organization's smaller problems. Here's an example of some of the ideas that some of my moron co-workers come up with:
Agenda Item: Dealing with the Federal Agent who has been snooping around.
Lydia: I could hit him over the head with a frying pan, then Big George...uh I mean Brian can chop up the body and we can barbecue him and serve him up to the other federal agents that will eventually come looking for him.
Me: You mean like in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes.
Lydia: Well, not exactly.
Me: No, that's exactly what happened in that movie.
Lydia: I think it's a fucking terrific plan. Towannnda!
Me: Are you drunk right now?
Lydia: Well, not exactly.
Agenda Item: Company T-Shirt Fundraiser Ideas
Bill: We can kidnap the Chinese Consul's daughter and hold her for ransom. Or until they give us some ancient Chinese artifacts that we can sell on the black market.
Me: Like in the movie, Rush Hour?
Bill: Yeah, duh...the best movie ever made.
Me: And did that work in the movie?
Bill: No, but Jackie Chan was pretty awesome. I for one could not understand the words coming out of that little Asian dude's mouth. He's hilarious!
Me: Next idea!.
Bill: How about we make bootleg booze and smuggle it in bowling balls? That's not in any movie I've ever seen.
Me: That's because it was an episode on The Simpsons, dumbass.
Bill: Well, can you come up with anything better?
Me: Yeah, how about we hold a city bus hostage for money and then rig the bus to explode if it goes under 50mph...?
Everyone: Yeah! Awesome!
Me: Of course it's awesome...cause it's the plot of the movie Speed, you idiots!
That said, every once and while, someone will come up with a fairly decent idea based on something they saw on TV or in a movie or (in this case) YouTube.
Agenda Item: Exacting Revenge on Carl (who tipped off the Feds regarding The Boss' most recent world domination scheme)
Me: Ok, anyone got a good idea?
Silence
Me: Steve, you've been quiet this whole time. What's that you've got written on your notepad?
Steve: Well, um...it's nothing really.
Me: C'mon, spill it...
Steve: (after a bit of hesitation) Well, Step 1, we'll need a box. Step 2, inject a local anesthetic into Carl's dick while he's sleeping, then cut off his dick, and put that junk in the box. Step 3, make him open the box.
Me: Basically, we're gonna give him his dick in a box? Brilliant. All in favor say, 'Aye'
Everyone: Aye!
Me: Alrighty then, meeting adjourned.
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